This blog HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH STAY AT HOME MOMS
Thank you to everyone who came and attended the little gig at Cornerstone Music Cafe in Calgary this weekend along with people who were going to come down to park 96 to see me play before we got rained out:( Your support matters and means a lot to me. The promoter has agreed to (for Park 96) to try to get me to play later on in August
Okay regarding the title above. I’d like to point out to both stay at home Moms and working Moms that my blog is not written with any reference, apparent or subtle to mothers. Motherhood in my opinion is a job within itself which is hard one at that. I am not a mother and care not to write about the difficulties of the work involved.
This blog concerns women like me… women who are single or in relationships which are semi serious but not engagements. You know… 26 year olds who live in a condo with their boyfriends for 6 years without any rings on their fingers. The girlfriend culture of my generation.
I am artistic and for a long time struggled in figuring out a way make money while keeping me up with constantly producing, over thinking imagination which, in itself, defines a lot of my identity and mental occupation. My imagination keeps me going all day and is great source of motivation for me.
Often my imagination took over and while at University, where you are aloud to brew about idealistic notions of socialism, marxism, nihilism or any other ism as long as you throw in a philosopher’s name in there, I began to worry that my imagination was too internalized and not being expressed out there in the real world. My jobs had no relation in skill set to my imaginative outside of the box way of thinking. I worked at a balloon shop, failed and was fired several times as a waitress and worked at a call center for the deaf and hard of hearing… (whole other blog)
I would not open myself up to enterprising or performing my ideas, bringing them out into the world as a small business, as a contracted business to other businesses or as an artist, due to fear of criticism and quite frankly a very stark perspective that fame and success in this world depends less on hard work and skill these days and more on overbearing, preening managing show mother’s and father’s who exploit their pretty children (see Chris Kardashian (kim Kardashian), Dinah Lohan (Lindsay Lohan) and Joe Jackson (Micheal Jackson)
However, I did bite the bullet and begin to put my works out their or my ideas into this blog, although for free and modestly at first, I began to try to fuse my ideas into the world and turn them slowly into a career, I began to not think about so much in dollar signs, which intimidated me (at first), but rather as something to share and contribute into the world at large instead of my ideas using me and turning me into a complete hermit removed from the world, living in a basement.
When I began to teach music lessons a male friend had asked me, “are you happy to be teaching music lessons a career which would appeal to men you date as it’s it has flexible hours, you can teach in home, and you can do things like still be a little wifey” I wasn’t offended, I knew what he was getting at. “Yes.” I said. Though that statement was unsettling.
“I only wish.” Said my male friend, “that I could be a like a woman and not be worried about having a career, just always be prepping to have a life where I stayed at home.”
I repeated these comments to my father and he concurred with my male friend, “yes,” my Dad replied. “Men are too restless and most men need a place in society, having just a role at home isn’t enough for men. My Aunty ( my Dad’s Aunt) always got mad at me and said Hon, you have to be social you have to go talk to women, women can sit and be pretty but men have to do something”
Men have to do something…
Women just get to sit and be pretty.
It came to my attention recently that the twin of a “friend of mine” does not work. At all. Coming from a rich family, the twin is in relationship with a lawyer. They are not engaged or married and she suffers from “anxiety” as one of my spineless friend’s commented. “She’ with a lawyer so she’s set.”
In my head more questions arose then any sense of resolution. What if they break up? Does she actually love him? Does he care? Is he proud of this? He probably just accepts it as a nice guy does. She can’t break up from him. He doesn’t mind this? Buying a house in Canada requires at least 2 incomes. This women makes me sick- this was my resolution.
Now I am not heartless, I have suffered in my own life, from rape, depression, a band that kciked me out for not housing my stuff with someone I suspected to be a thief, and I have suffered through a friend who tried to convince to work as a prostitute. Now true we all suffer and suffer differently, but this rich little girl was not suffering. I just did not believe that this twin’s anxiety was anxiety at all.
She was entitled her whole life , from a rich family where somehow she still lives in the 1950s where men provide entirely for women and women feign anxiety instead of being responsible. I wonder if the twin also faints and needs smelling salts to wake up I wonder if she wears transparent flowing white Moo-moos beside the pool as she carries a Chardonney, just some imagery to help out with the desciption
This woman isn’t helpless. And no man could get away with being so full of excuses and “helpless”. But this is still okay for women. I mean if a man says, that’s not okay, stop being useless and work he’ll sound like a jack a** right?
Another friend of mine was trying to move past a heartbreaking seperation where the couple had lived together for 7 years one person paying for every single thing and bill for the 2 of them.
“I will admit” said the friend as the friend was calling their lawyer, “I did like having a girl to spoil.”
…a girl to spoil what better way to impress you’ve made your way in Calgary or in Canada at large. Your girlfriend is spoiled.
As I had mentioned before I too had suffered from anxiety, (for real reasons) for many years, and also at one point was dating a lawyer. Out relationship came to an end because I became more and more anxious around him and realized I would have to cure myself instead of hiding behind a rich man to help me do it, he didn’t help me overcome much, though he would have liked the credit. Rich men can often love you only for your outside parts, but if your insides are broken, only you can fix them.
I had over come a lot in my life and asked myself have a failed because I’m not some spoiled creature depending financially (which defines ALL dependency) on a high powered, probable narcissistic man?
My friend had stated to me…”You dated a lawyer, a psychiatrist and an engineer, your parents must be impressed by you.” But all those relationships had ended. Was I the failure or was the picture of a “anxious” none working 27 year old women who lives off her boyfriend?
I began to brew, found no helpful fiction that had any good role models of females in it. It’s not like Ophelia or Desdemona made it out of their “anxious” period. They in fact died (without their boyfriends) to protect them from their internal malaise.
And so I watched TV for some role models, and found them. Bethenny ever After, Angelina Jolie and Drew Barrymore, all women who were artistic, all women who probably suffered from anxiety and all women who entreprise, direct, and create as their way to making money. They aren’t anyone’s receptionist. Their personalities, their intensity and their idiosyncrasies are a source of their identity and their careers.
They are also women who had learned a lot threw many failures in personal relationships; there are 4 divorces amidst the 3 of them, and as Bethenny who married for the first time at 40 had said, “being in a relationship is the struggle of my life.” IN my opinion women who are too honest and out their to “feign anxiety”
These women all of a sudden became role models, because instead of taking their cunning wit, charm, sparkle and personality and using it ONLY to seduce a wealthy lawyer, they aloud their gifts to give them freedom by earning income employing them in society at large. IN their personal lives, if they were not aloud to work, as the experiment with Bethenny Ever After proved, when she was on the cat fighting Real Houseiwives of New York, if they were not aloud to work, their high voltage wit, cunning, manipulation, ideas and intensity eroded their personal relationships. Making them toxic. Even Britney Spears whose personal success in her marriage developed after she gained control of her out of control career is an example, that using all a woman’s gifts in a relationships alone is TOO MUCH, you better put them out into the industrial workplace world, that’s where they belong.
Especially Jolie and Barrymore, who commanded higher powered positions as producer and directors recently, something about enterprising their gifts, taking the position of power, in their work lives aloud them in many ways to find appropriate partners in their personal lives. They were no longer “anxious”, “misunderstood”, “hidden” and needing the power of men who could influence society, they became the influence in society, they became the power in society instead of being the “anxious” victims of it.
It is my opinion that when you are the damsel in distress the victim of an unfair world, where women suffer more, and I do believe this to be true, especially outside of North America, you will only attract a spouse or boyfriend who controls you until you assume control. And when you do want more power (Katie Homes) there is a rebellion because how dare a princess desire to become a Queen? Would say the King who married a Princess.
I found out that the ex of my friend does not pay any of her own bills still even after the separation, and lives off of other people, probably people who feel sorry for her. I asked my friend. “She has a master’s degree, what did she do all day if she only worked 8 hours a week?” I asked my friend.
“Her artistic pursuits” …. may as well be “anxiety” PS love how mental illness and art are linked in this blog… Yeah?
The saddest part of all this for me is, knowing the manipulative ex who is smart enough to get a masters and then even smarter to never have to use it and live off of other people is that her whole skill set; her higher education, extreme frugality, manipulative charm… all traits that would make her an excellent CEO or a very powerful lawyer are used only to manipulate people in her personal life and not used in her work life.
Think of all the strength coming from women which gets wasted in manipulating naive, but controlling men.
There still exists a sad entitled belief that women should be Lady MacBeth’s living off the power of the man in their lives who they manipulate use for monetary stability. They become bitchy as a by product of a traded deal with men where in exchange for not working they never receive credit from the outside world unless they are mothers, or beautiful, which then forces them into motherhood or into being only beautiful. And then as beautiful and or mothers require attention for these qualities have nothing to do with personal idenity. AS part of the deal they don’t have to risk failure in the professional world in exchange for excessive monetary gain, which oddly still erodes their confidence “anxiety”. That they trade the wealth of their abilities charm, intelligence, manipulative psychology, not in the business world where such skills, although a bit immoral ARE OF VALUE but only within the home.
Being a Mom is an occupation
Being a girlfriend is not an occupation
Jaimee